glitchbucket.com

Some people wiser than I believe that Albert Einstein may be among  those who lived their lives without the privilege of Dr. Asperger’s findings, yet struggled with the effects nonetheless. I didn’t get much from the Albert Einstein side of the family.

Perhaps those same wise people might suspect that if Mortimer Snerd had been a real person and not just a ventriloquist’s dummy, he too would have been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. That would be closer to me on the family tree than uncle Albert ever was. I was not so much into calculus growing up as I was into making a general nuisance of myself at the drop of a hat. I believe the word that might describe me best would be “annoying.” I could and would take any opportunity to run into the ground the slightest thing that amused me, or aggravated someone else.

People such as I sometimes make good comedians. Problem is, I never was that funny (except to myself). Therefore I have lived a very jolly life as an audience of one. You’re probably not even slightly amused at these words, but I on the other hand, am laughing my proverbial ass off right now.

I say all that to introduce the fact that I am aware of many of my idiosyncrasies. And I must tell you that though I have never been able to rid myself completely of them, I have striven hard through life, to curb, correct, and get a handle on myself for the sake of those I love, and for myself as well. As I have researched books and articles on people with Asperger Syndrome (some with much more pronounced traits than I), it has appeared to me that many ASers are not often aware that they are odd. In fact, the tendency is to believe from day one that they are normal and the rest of the world is strangely out of sync. As this can lead to moderate to severe narcissism, relationships can be difficult and sometimes impossible to maintain. One can only imagine what this could mean in the marriage relationship.

Let’s say that a man who has a wild case of Asperger Syndrome is married to a rather well-adjusted woman who suffers from nothing more than constant confusion when trying to relate to the man she fell in love with once upon a time. A man who now seems more distant than the plaintive cry of a lonely dove. He wonders what’s wrong with the woman, and she wonders what’s wrong with herself. On the verge of madness, she discovers (through desperate research) that her partner is perhaps suffering from a malady for which there is no cure. What has she gotten herself into? It appears she is sleeping with a god, and he is not at all as compassionate and understanding as she imagined God to be.

How do you tell God that he has a problem? What will God’s reaction be? Thunderbolts of lightening? Will he dismiss it out of hand? After all, it is the rest of the world that has a problem, certainly not him. Or will he become angry and sullen; even harder to live with than before the subject was broached? In many cases, divorce is on the horizon if nothing is done to address it. Either that, or a life of increasing isolation from one another. An isolation that the woman in this scenario is much more likely to feel than the man.

So what is the solution? My thoughts are these: Get a book on the subject. Read it. If you are convinced that your spouse has a variety of these symptoms, let them read the book if they will. Don’t make any observations. Just allow them the opportunity to see themselves in its pages. People with Asperger Syndrome are not stupid. If they are willing to recognize the truth about themselves (a moment of introspection), that is the first step to a better life for them and those around them.

No miraculous changes will come at once, and some things will never change, but a project set upon and never completed is better than a project never attempted at all. I truly believe in the process of working on our own quirks and personality disorders. Like a blind person can learn to hear acutely, and a deaf person can learn to read lips, I believe that those who suffer with Asperger Syndrome can, and should do many things to relearn, or make up for what they lack in certain areas. It takes work, patience, and perseverance, but if one is willing to try, the rewards are well worth the effort. It can save a relationship, a marriage, a job, you name it.

From early adolescence, I realized that I was different from those around me. As my social life expanded, so did the recognition of my many oddities. I was sometimes embarrassed at myself, and at other times profoundly annoyed at the world. By the time I entered college, I began to believe that everyone was crazy, and I was the only sane one. I was on the road to believing that I was the center of the universe and everyone around me was just a satellite. Of course, not really being the light of the world, I was not capable of maintaining the joy and peace that should follow such a lofty position. Once again, I must say that the God I’ve spoken of the last few posts played a major role at this crucial time in my life. I learned through prayer and study that I did not have to remain the same. That I could change. That I could follow the direction of others and change the course of my destiny. That those undesirable and unwanted things in my life could be subdued or eliminated altogether. This was very liberating. Once I committed to that direction, I was able to relinquish my position as God Almighty, and become a part of the human race.

There are many self-help books. I believe in self-help. I believe in figuring out our problems and attacking them as vigorously as we possibly can. I have lived most of my adulthood with this in mind. Though it serves to answer many mysteries, the recent recognition that I lack certain things due to Asperger Syndrome (some of which I will never posses), does not give me license to stop working on, or striving constantly to improve those areas which can potentially injure, annoy or even break the hearts of those I love.

I am a work in progress. I am not a finished piece of art. My best days are ahead, as well as the best that I can offer those around me. Wish me luck on my journey, as I wish you well. For those with Asperger Syndrome, I hope that you will constantly seek ways to better yourself in all your personal relationships, especially those most intimate and close; not taking the easy way out by turning a blind eye to the feelings and needs of others, even if they are foreign to yours. And for those who are living with, or are intimately associated with someone you believe may have Asperger Syndrome, I say, be understanding and compassionate. Look for ways to help your partner or friend. Have patience. And hopefully, learn to laugh about it.