Have you ever been on a cell phone when it starts cutting out every other syllable of your conversation, or when static interrupts each attempt at meaningful communication? Times when you find yourself sounding like the Verizon guy, shouting into that small piece of worthless plastic, “Can you hear me now?” only to experience the frustration of utter silence, or a response such as “I can’t understand you?” Then you know what it’s like for those who have to communicate daily with some of us who suffer with Asperger Syndrome. I say suffer, but more times than not, the AS-er is blissfully unaware of the carnage they produce, and it is the unsuspecting Neurotypical who suffers most from the ordeal.
As is the case of the cell phone illustration, the Neurotypical may not be immediately aware that something has gone awry in an exchange with their AS counterpart, for one generally never knows they’ve stepped into a “dead zone” until it’s too late. They just keep on talking, until lengthy silence informs them that something has gone terribly wrong. Or perhaps the person on the other end has simply lost connection.
For those with Asperger Syndrome, it’s an auditory thing. Another of those glitches I keep talking about that are so common with AS-ers. Something that happens between the ear and the brain. I can’t explain it, it’s just an auditory dead-zone. It actually happens frequently, but without much fanfare from the perpetrating party (AS-er), as they are usually unaware that they have completely missed the point or dropped out of the conversation altogether. That is, until they find themselves fleeing an angry mob carrying pitchforks and torches.
Now, you might think that those of us with AS would be more self-aware than that, but after years of living with nothing clearer than garbled communication from the dark side of the moon, it is the way of language. We hardly notice it at all when it happens. It doesn’t phase us that at times mouths are moving, but nothing of memorable or recognizable import is entering our ear. We just take it all in stride. Like the unsynchronized voices in those old Japanese movies. But how does that work, you ask? Well, I’m glad you brought up the question, or I might not have anything further to say on the subject.
If you have ever had a front row seat when a child begins the process of learning language, then you may well be able to relate to what those of us with Asperger Syndrome are experiencing throughout or lives, on one level or another. Although the child hears a lot of gobbledy-gook coming out of those around them, they begin to recognize certain sounds as constant. Especially when the doting adult repeats a sound over and over again, while pointing to the object in question. Soon, the child is putting together that “eye” is that thing that hurts like hell when you poke it with that other thing called a “finger.” The vocabulary of the child at this point consists of these, and a few other simple words. They haven’t yet begun to register sentences like “Don’t stick your finger in your eye.” The idea in principle may have struck them already as proverbial wisdom, but when they hear Mom or Dad articulate such a phrase, all they’re really getting is “eye” and “finger”. For the child, those other sounds make no sense. They can hear every syllable of every word spoken, but for now, most of it is just so much room noise.
Because those of us with Asperger Syndrome are wired differently, we are sometimes limited in our ability to register a word or sentence when it is presented. Like in the case of the child, peripheral or key words may fly past us with the swiftness of Hermes. It is not that we don’t know the word, or it’s meaning, it is merely that our receptacles did not register it properly, or at all. Perhaps our mind was flying in one direction when the word came from another, or we had pre-concluded the portent of the sentence in relationship to something we envisioned in our head, only to find that we are way off base when the smoke finally clears. Unless we have become painfully aware of this tendency, we may have no idea that something important has been lost in the translation, until we are totally frustrated over Who is on First, What is on Second, and I Don’t Know is on Third.
Let it be said loud and clear, that those with Asperger Syndrome are not stupid. Well, not necessarily. AS does not preclude any mental deficiency whatsoever. However, it does mean that there most likely exists varied levels of difficulty in understanding and communication, which more often than not translate into epitaphs such as “Difficult”, “Stubborn.” and “Narrow-Minded.” I have struggled my whole life to run away from those tags, sometimes successfully. It takes a whole lot of introspection (something AS-ers are not famous for), and some hard work (something AS-ers are famous for), but it is possible to decrease the level to which misunderstandings and misconceptions may escalate. To suspect that at any given time, you might not be following in the same direction on the same rail, on any given subject, may help avoid many a train wreck.
If you have never been in a colossal misunderstanding, then you may not appreciate the humor in the following clip. But if you, like me, have found yourself so completely bamboozled by miscommunication, then this is definitely going to hit your funny bone. I have seen this comedy sketch over and over again, but it never fails to make me laugh, and I suspect that a whole new generation that has no idea what I’m talking about, could use a good laugh as well. So, for all of you old-timers out there, and for you young’ns as well, here is “Who’s on First” by Abbott and Costello:
